That Means WHAT!? – “Goosing”

Whenever I work on my main writing project, I have to look up a lot of definitions. I will want to use a particular word in a passage, but then I realize that I’m not totally sure of its exact meaning. That happened recently with the word “goose.”

Now, I know what “goose” means when it’s used as a noun:  “an evil, feathered being which delights in pain and destruction, and which has teeth on its beak, tongue, and even the roof of its goddamn mouth.” Seriously. Teeth. EVERYWHERE. I won’t post a picture of said teeth because that shit is disturbing. If you want to see for yourself, go ahead.

But the verb? It has more than one definition. I thought I knew of two. The definition of “to goose” that everyone knows is “to pinch someone’s butt.” The other definition I thought everyone knew was “to poke someone in the side in order to tickle them, thus possibly causing them to make a sound not unlike a goose’s honk.” This, however, is not a well-known definition of “to goose.” In fact, it’s not listed on any dictionary site I could find through Bing or Google. I guess it’s just something I made up and then forgot that I did. How very Katy-tastic.

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“Mhmm.  VERY Katy-tastic.” Shut up, Ibsen. Don’t give me that smartass glare of yours. I’ve watched you eat your own barf.

Anyway, the actual second definition of “to goose” is “to poke someone in the butthole with your finger.”

What?

Seriously.

WHAT!?

How did I, with all my childish poop jokes and Tina Belcher-esque preoccupation with butts, miss this?  I brought it up with a friend right after I researched it. Does this even count as research? The conversation went as follows. To spare my friend from being associated with my infantile little blog, I’m not using her name. She shall simply be called “Friend.”

Me: Since when does “to goose” mean to poke someone in the butthole?

Friend: It’s always been. I learned that when I was like 6.
Friend: “What happens when you goose a ghost?  You get a handful of sheet!”

Me: Whaaaa? Literally never heard that.

Friend: Basically how I learned it was grabbing someone’s ass, but like… from behind where your hand actually goes between their legs a bit

Me: In my house, we call that an unfortunate accident.
Me: It should probably be embarrassing how many times that happens. It’s mostly me unintentionally doing it to Hubbles. My depth perception and peripheral vision are both shit. He does make a really funny sound when I do it, though, so there’s that.

I think she got a little bit uncomfortable then. You’re probably uncomfortable right now, too, and I apologize for that. Unfortunately, however, I am not going to stop yet. Bear with me.

Last night, I nearly goosed Hubbs in the grocery store. I’m not into “butt stuff” – not judging anyone who is – so this is not something I ever do purpose. But, I was not lying above when I said that this happens an embarrassing amount. Whether or not I’ve done this in public, though, I don’t remember. Then again, since I remember little from my day-to-day life, it is not unreasonable to assume* that I have executed a public goosing in the past. Because I find hilarity in personal mishaps that should inspire shame, I had to text my girlfriend to tell her what I did.

Me: Almost goosed Hubbs in the grocery store. Whoops. :-/

Friend: Ew: >.>

Me: I just wanted to give him a friendly little booty squeeze. He gasped and I immediately knew that my aim was not true.

Poor Hubbles. He tolerates way too much from me.

From a standpoint of linguistic precision, I’m pleased to have a term for this terrible thing to which I accidentally subject my husband to all the time. I really do hope that my personal definition of “to goose” will catch on, though. I’ve heard people make some weird-ass sounds when poked in the ribs, including goose honks. Hell, I make some super weird sounds when surprise tickled. I don’t like it, though, so don’t do it. This is as much for your safety as for my sanity and the sake of my bodily agency. I have been known to flail dangerously when tickled, and have involuntarily landed painful strikes to others’ bellies and genitals. Just don’t do it, y’all. I will hurt you, and it’ll be all your fault.

Anyway. Here’s to discovering more weirdo slang terms during my writing adventures! If you have any similar stories, please tell me in the comments. I’d love to hear them.

*Assume. You know what they say about doing that… I find it far too funny that I used that word in this post, considering the topic.

My First Cosplay: My Heart Just Pooped Its Pants

I’ve wanted to cosplay for a long time, but have never gotten any costumes together.  My natural ineptitude with fashion and makeup make the process harder than it should be.  And, for some reason, I always want to dress up as male characters who wear complicated clothes, like Mordecai from Borderlands, which only makes it that much harder for me to find a good starting point.*

I’m one of those people who, when faced with difficulties, does not say “I shall overcome!”  I say “Can I eat French fries and take a nap instead?”  So, my grand plans and ideas never went anywhere, and I’ve always attended cons in plainclothes.

Until now.

I’m going to MidSouthCon next weekend, as Hubbs and I have for the last five years, and a dear friend from high school is joining us.  My friend wanted really badly to try cosplaying, too, and we motivated each other to finally do this thing!  She went the complicated route, ordering a custom-made dress, hat, and staff to be Lulu from League of Legends.  I, in classic Katy fashion, went the easy and cheap, but (hopefully) no less lovable, route to be one of my all-time favorite characters.

Behold!  Tina Belcher!

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Ibsen kitty is not part of my cosplay. If I had someone to cosplay with me as Aunt Gayle, though, it might be a different story.

I don’t just love Tina Belcher.  I am Tina Belcher.  Once, I asked Hubbs which Bob’s Burgers character I was.  Although I hoped he’d say Linda – “Mommy doesn’t get drunk; she has fun.” – deep down, I knew he’d say Tina.  And I was right.  Honestly, it’s like the writing team for Bob’s Burgers has secretly followed me since my thirteenth birthday just so they could put all my weirdness and awkwardly stunted teenage sexuality into this one character.  Dressing up as Tina is just bringing that around full circle.  I am she and she is me!

Other, much more practical, reasons for choosing Tina were that the costume would be easy to put together, inexpensive, and I could wear most of the pieces outside of cosplaying.  No makeup required, either.  Thank God.  I found the shoes and shirt, both of which I love, in clearance aisles at local stores and bought the barrette in a big 20-pack of rainbow barrettes.  Similar story with the wig cap.  My hair is so long and curly that I needed the cap to keep it safely tucked under the wig.  The glasses are my own prescription lenses.  Convenient that I already wear thick black frames, yes?  As for the other pieces, I got the wig, skirt, and socks on amazon.**

Yet one more reason I chose Tina is that she’s rather frumpy, so I wouldn’t have to worry about being sexy.  If I look a hot mess, well, that’s because I’m in character.  It’s also the perfect excuse to ogle all the butts I want – I mean, of course I wouldn’t… Oh, who am I kidding.  I LOVE BUTTS!

All I have left to do is fill a notebook with erotic friend fiction and borrow a horse figurine from my con-going friend.

God, I’m excited.  This is going to be so much fun.

*I forgot that, for a special band camp event in eleventh grade, I dressed up as Tasuki from Fushigi Yuugi.  Who, I might add, is male, thus keeping with my pattern of usually wanting to dress as male characters.  It wasn’t a very good costume, but I loved it.  I even sprayed my hair orange!  A beautifully blinding shade of orange.  One girl thought I looked like Buffy the vampire slayer, though, and I kept saying “But, like, I have orange hair.  How…?”

**Not affiliate links.  I had a snafu with my amazon account, and am trying to sort it out.  I’ll need to redo all my amazon affiliate links, which is going to suck.  I just wanted to be up front about what’s what around here, and I’ll still label all any affiliate links as such in their hovertext.

Blankets, Big Knitting Needles, and Inappropriate Comments About Cows and Doctor Who

You are probably already aware that I’m kind of a terrible person.  I say a lot of stupid stuff and make poop jokes way too often.  My friends, thank goodness, pretend not to be disturbed by my odd brand of off-color humor.  It must be a difficult feat because anything can trigger unsettling thoughts in my head that shouldn’t be funny, but are so outlandish that they make me laugh myself into a coma.

One of these moments happened recently during a Facebook conversation with my friend Marcy.  While we were discussing the harmless topic of knitting blankets with great big needles and multiple strands of yarn, she made an innocent comment that was a catalyst for my signature creepy thoughts.  I have to share the conversation because it got bizarre as hell.

I have altered our profile pictures for this post.  Marcy is wonderful and squee-tastic, so her new picture is Pusheen the cat.  I am awful and take too much pleasure in things that should repulse me, so my new picture is Me Gusta.

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To see that David Tennant gif in action, go to this tumblr page.  Now imagine a cow is giving birth right in front of the Doctor.  Congratulations.  You can now enjoy the same lovely mental image that I will have every single time I have to save a dropped knit stitch.  Allons-y!

Marcy, here’s The Christmas Invasion. It’s $1.99 on Amazon Instant Video. Just thought I’d drop this little link here in case you wanted to get an episode of Doctor Who AND support my blog at the same time. But, you know. No pressure.

Here are some massive knitting needles. You can get a pair of US size 50 (25mm) circular needles that are 47 inches long. I kind of want some just to use as nunchuks.

To hear more of my weird thoughts, follow me on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. I’m good at weird thoughts.

Fake geek girl? (Crossposting from my tumblr)

I wrote a short little text post on my tumblr last December after I got mad about that stupid “fake geek girl” crap that some jerks prattle on about.  The post got like sixteen likes and reblogs at first, and gathered a note or two each month after that.  That pretty much made it my most popular tumblr post.

Then, a few days ago – a full nine months after I wrote it – Wil Wheaton himself reblogged my post.  My head exploded a little bit when I saw all the new notes and pieced together what happened.  The post has gotten over 3000 notes in the five days since Mr. Wheaton’s reblog.  So, um, I guess people like what I said?

Since the post seems to have struck a chord with other folks who are frustrated with the “fake geek girl” bullshit, I figured I should post it here on my main site, too.  Maybe it’ll strike a chord with you, too.  My original post is here

Fake geek girl?

I like running.  That makes me a runner.

I like knitting.  That makes me a knitter.

I like reading.  That makes me a reader.

I like playing video games.  That makes me a gamer.

I like nerdy stuff.  That makes me a nerd.

I identify with my hobbies and my interests because they are important to me.  You don’t get to choose what I should call myself.  You don’t get to decide if I’m a “real” gamer or a “real” nerd.  You can create arbitrary criteria for what makes a person “real” or “fake,” but that has absolutely no bearing on my life whatsoever.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a game to play.

Summer Camp and Adorable Woopers

Earlier this summer, I worked as the pianist for an arts camp.  It was so much fun!  I loved working with the campers and with the camp’s vocal director.  Some of the campers were so smart and talented that it almost scared me.

On the first day of camp, I wore my Pokeball necklace and earrings that I made.  Several campers, including a girl named Maddie, were totally enamored with my jewelry.  After class, Maddie and another camper named Rebecca started talking with me about my jewelry, and our conversation quickly became a discussion of our favorite Pokemon.  I, of course, mentioned that Pikachu and Wooper are my favorites.

The next day, Maddie gave me this.

wooper, pokemon, wildblueyoshi, wildblueyoshi.com, maddie lowry, madeline lowry, art, hand drawnHow sweet!  She drew a Wooper for me!

After that, I found out that Maddie has weird a interest in serial killers and true crime just like I do.  We share some less weird interests, too, like classic rock and Pokemon.  Besides all that, she’s a great artist.  She’s pretty good with pencil and paper, obviously.  One day she pulled out her phone and showed me pictures of stuffed animals and AMAZING pottery she’s made, and all I could do was stare in awe.  She’s one rad kid!

That was only one highlight from my camp experience.  Working with campers like Maddie was great.  I hope the camp invites me back as the pianist next summer!  In the meantime I need to figure out where to display Maddie’s Wooper.  It’s so adorable that I just have to frame it.

What I Learned At InvaderCON III: Final Doom

Last time, I talked about getting autographs at InvaderCON.  That was definitely fun, but the panels at InvaderCON were even better.  I love the way the celebrity guests interacted with fans, especially the little kids, and how they were so willing to share their personal stories.  Their weirdness was also quite inspirational.

Basking in the presence of such accomplished, nice, and downright hilarious artists was awesome.  I left the con feeling really inspired and motivated.  I learned a lot of interesting things, too.  Some tidbits of information are more useful than others, certainly, but I figured I’d list them all for posterity.  This is another long post with a lot of videos, so I’m presenting everything in sweetly organized little groups and overusing bold text.

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GIR! Do I need to program spellcheck into you?

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InvaderCON III: Final Doom – Getting Autographs

Last weekend, Hubbles and I attended InvaderCON III:  Final Doom in Austin, Texas.  It was a super fun convention celebrating Invader Zim, which is one of our favorite cartoons.  We got autographs from four of the voice actors and one of the writers.  We attended their panels and Q&A sessions, too.  It was totally worth the ten hour drive to Austin.  (Also worth the ten hours back home and all the Dr. Pepper and Whataburgers that powered us through it.)

I figured I would tell you all about the con because that’s just what I do.  Prepare thyself for the beautiful insanity that is InvaderCON!  This is gonna be a long post, but hopefully not a boring one.  I’ll just focus on getting autographs and pictures right now.

First on my list are some snazzy pictures we took with the writer, Eric Trueheart.  For my picture, I got “creepy.”  Naturally.

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Luckily the creepy smile masked how nervous I felt.  (More about my GIR hat – which I made! – below.)

Hubbles said that I had a “Joker smile” going on here.  Personally, I’m impressed that my chin looks like it’s about to stab someone.  I first posted this on the creepyfaceaday tumblr that I share with my sister, hence the URL on the picture.  Click the picture itself for a link to the original post.

Anyway, I didn’t ask Eric to make a “creepy face” or even mention my tumblr.  I think that’s just his default expression for fan photos.  Somehow it would seem wrong for him to smile, you know?  Besides, smiling in hundreds of photos with fans would make for a sore face.  I saw him smile genuinely during the con, but not in our pictures.  Hubbles, however, looked downright giddy.

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